


Answers

by NotSoNormalx



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:54:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27402319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoNormalx/pseuds/NotSoNormalx
Summary: After the bridge Eve and Villanelle take some time to go over everything they've been through together and bond on a deeper level
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 18
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

There's a heaviness in the air. They both can feel it. Eve stares at Villanelle; she looks relaxed but burdened. Her long delicate fingers around the wine glass but Villanelle's eyes are focused through it, staring off into the distance. Eve looks at her eyes, trying to get inside her mind, oh her beautiful deep eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" Villanelle asks out of nowhere, the silence has been too much, her voice has an unusual softness to it.

Eve knows this is it. This is the moment they must both be nothing but honest or else turning on the bridge would all be for nothing. They need to stop playing the games. They both hold the keys to each other's questions, each other’s hearts.

"Your eyes."

"Always thinking about me," Villanelle tries to joke unsure of whether they both can do this. Or how they both can do this. They both need to ask the questions, they both need the answers they already know. The answers will break down the wall between them, it will get rid of the past but it will leave them exposed to each other. Something Eve has been fighting against for so long.

"Why wasn't I scared of you?" Eve asks, knowing this is the start, they need to do this. 

'Okay,' Villanelle thinks, 'we can do this.' Villanelle brings her eyes out of their daze and slowly turns to look at Eve. Both of their hearts pounding. 

"Because you were scared of something bigger, you were scared of us," Villanelle replies, the answer comes very quickly to her, putting her at somewhat ease.

"I've made my choice, I turned back," Eve says as she looks at Villanelle's mouth, it pulls into a smile, a content beautiful smile.

The smile quickly fades, as the next question burns on her lips, knowing that some of the answers will hurt, "Why did you keep going back to your husband?"

Eve sighs, knowing she has to talk about all the mistakes she has made, all the hurt she has caused, "Because it was a selfish love, I was selfish, I couldn't let him go, I didn't love him in the true right way, I loved him in the selfish way, I caused him so much pain, I wanted to fix it take it away because I was guilty. It distracted me from you."

Villanelle takes in everything Eve is bearing, hoping in some way they both can fix the scars on each other hearts. 

"When did you first feel..." Eve searches for courage to say the word, she can't mention the L word yet, she feels as if they are both so vulnerable right now, which means they both can give the real answers but it scares Eve, what if they are both too open and honest and that causes everything to crash around them. That's part of the problem, Eve needs to accept that hiding from the real truth is what causes the crashing and the destruction around them. 

"Say it Eve," Villanelle says firmly, knowing Eve so well, knowing what she needs.

"When did you first love me?" Eve gets out somewhat rushed, saying it makes her feel like she's drowning.

"I felt something for you the moment I first saw you in the bathroom, I don't think there is an exact moment where it happened, it was more like it grew over time, but you consumed my mind after that first time, I didn't even know your name, but you were still the first thing I'd think about in the morning and the last face I'd see before going to sleep at night, I didn't understand it, I'd never felt anything like it, nothing compares to how I feel about you Eve," Villanelle leans forward to take a sip of her wine, needing to find some courage to carry on, she places the glass back on the table and then sinks her head into her hands, "When you told me I didn't understand what love is, I felt pain, like unbelievable pain that I never felt before, I felt rejection, like you took my whole world from me."

Eve places her hand on Villanelle's back, needing that connection, wanting Villanelle to know she's right here with her, feeling more guilty than ever, more guilty then she felt about Niko, which is something she couldn't understand herself. It would be so easy for them both to walk away from all this pain, all this pain they'd caused each other. 

"I'm sorry, it wasn't the right time," Eve says, trying to find the explanation, searching her head for the answer.

"I've always taken what I wanted so I tried to take you and I wasn't doing that because I loved you, you don't take when you love, you give, I did understand love, I just didn't understand how to give it you so I tried to give you what I knew, killing and money," Villanelle answers trying to explain for the both of them.

"I tried not to give you me baby," the word baby makes Villanelle put her head back up and turns to look at Eve, partly through surprise of the word baby, partly hoping wishing she means it, "I do mean it, you make me feel things so much deeply than I have ever felt anything before Villanelle, you're intoxicating, it did scare me so much."

"Did?" 

"I've made my choice to give into it, give it to you."

"Give what?"

"Me. You don't have to take me anymore, you gave me the choice to walk away, you didn't do that in Rome. You were going to break your own heart for me. That's love."

"You want to make it stop though?"

"I want the chaos to stop, it's not walking away from you that will do that, I walked away from you in Rome, it didn't stop me from missing you, wanting you. I have struggled for so long with my feelings for you Villanelle, trying to push them down, push them away but all the time deep down just wanting you closer. I can't fight it anymore. I'm too tired. I want you too damn much."

"You know all this, it's just as new to me all of this as it is to you,"

"Before I even met you, you were in my head, when I learned about the murder in Vianna, it intrigued my soul. I thought you were brilliant, smart. I don't understand it, I had this pull towards you before I even knew you, how is that even possible?"

"Destiny?" Villanelle chuckles at the nonation, it's like they are both made just so perfectly for each other. This conversation is helping them both understand, probably something they both needed to do a long time ago, but they were both afraid that if they said these things, gave into each other, the other would disappear. Villanelle shuffles uncomfortably in her seat, she searches the coffee table in front of her needing something to occupy her hands. Eve reaches over and puts her hands on top of Villanelle's hands, it's like Eve knows her so well, knows what she needs, "Why did you stab me?"

"This is so complicated isn’t it, that day I asked you to come with me, just me and you, you didn’t trust me, you wouldn’t come with me. You told me not to break your heart, you were breaking mine. You killed my best friend, I was blaming you for the state of my marriage, having you in my head all the time left no room for Niko, At the apartment, you wanted me to stay for a bit and that was the thing I wanted most in the world. I had to stop myself from giving in, giving myself to you, I felt lost, exposed, vulnerable after I had said those things to you, I was scared because I wasn't scared of you, I was angry at you that you knew I liked you and for liking me back, I had to try and make it stop and I had to take back control because if I had completely lost control I would've kissed you. I had to show you you didn't know me, when you said I couldn't, I wanted control of my life back," Eve is doing it, giving Villanelle her soul 

"Take the control now, take control of me," Villanelle dares her, "You are the only person ever in my life I'd give it to.”

“You can change what you can control, I don’t want to change you, any little thing about you,” Eve says confirming what Villanelle knows, that’s why she is giving the control to Eve.

Eve looks at Villanelle’s eyes and sees something unexplainable in them; desire and love mixed together. They both have a nagging thought in their minds that once this barrier is crossed will it be the same? Will they still have that pull towards each other? They have something special, too special to lose. Eve thinks of the words she said earlier, ‘it’s good to try new things.’ 

With this thought in her head she takes the next step and gets on top of Villanelle. Both of their hearts are racing. Villanelle feel’s like she should say something, anything, her mind is blank, she’s not used to that, to be thinking nothing but feeling everything. Eve takes her finger and presses it against Villanelle’s lips motioning shh. Villanelle cocks a half smile and slowly nods her eyes enchanted by Eve. Eve closes her eyes, she can’t believe how she feels having Villanelle underneath her, trapped there but wanting to be trapped there. They’ve never been like this before, it was always Villanelle that had the upper hand but now it’s Eve. She opens back up her eyes and locks eyes with Villanelle, they both grin at each other, Villanelle moves her eyes to Eve’s mouth knowing that’s what she wants but she knows Eve won’t make it that easy on her, it excites her. Maybe Eve just needs a little push Villanelle thinks so she moves her head towards Eve’s wanting to lock lips. But then Villanelle feels a gentle hand on her throat pushing her back, so she retreats her head back as Eve moves hers closer, so close that their breathe is mixing. Eve feels empowered, it’s a wonderful feeling to her, she considers giving in for just a second, she wants those beautiful lips, she moves to Villanelle’s ear and whispers, “Not yet baby.” and then she runs her tongue down her neck. Villanelle closes her eyes and whimpers. Villanelle is feeling too much and it’s wonderful to her, feeling turned on, feeling intoxicated.

“Open your eyes I want to see them,” Eve demands but in a soft reassuring way. Villanelle obeys, showing her submission, her willingness. 

“How did you feel on the bus when I kissed you?” Eve questions,

“It was unexpected, it was nice, really nice, different. Before when I kissed people it felt empty but with you,” Villanelle words are suddenly interrupted by a pair of lips on hers. Villanelle, afraid that it will be over all too soon, stays perfectly still. Eve hands go up onto Villanelle’s cheeks, pulls her closer and opens her mouth slowly, Villanelle takes this as an invitation and runs her tongue over Eve’s lips as they are together causing Eve to start kissing her back more forcefully, more intensely. Villanelle moans into the kiss. Eve feels like this is it, this is everything, everything she has ever searched for, everything she has ever wanted. Villanelle’s hands go to Eve’s hips, gripping them like she’s trying to hold on. Eve reluctantly breaks the kiss, feeling like she needs to breathe again. She presses her forehead against Villanelle, trying to get control back over her breathing.

“Unexpected again?” Villanelle quirks. 

“Always expect the unexpected with me Villanelle,” Eve replies as a half warning.

After Eve says this she feels a force sending her off balance of Villanelle, and then suddenly she’s pinned under Villanelle. This causes Eve to laugh, 

“And with me too,” Villanelle says as she smirks like she’s just won her prize.That smirk quickly fades as she feels a hand on her crotch, it sends waves crashing through her body and a groan escapes her lips as she looks down and sees Eve’s hand there.Her eyes darken. The hand is still so Villanelle moves her hips but it doesn’t cause any friction, frustrating her body and her mind because she hasn’t got control.

“You can’t win everytime,” Eve says as she takes her hand back. Proud of herself for showing Villanelle that she still has the upper hand.

Villanelle feels a rush in her chest, she’s feeling all these feelings she’s never felt before and she’s loving it, “You are amazing Eve, do you know that?” Villanelle says amazed then the heaviness in room comes flooding back, a question heavy on Villanelle’s heart, “Eve,” she stammers, her eyes can’t bear to look at Eve as the question comes off her lips, “Would you still feel the same way if I had killed more people? And how about less?”

Eve closes her eyes shut, to try and process what Villanelle is asking, searching for, “If you had killed less I’d still feel the same, if you had killed no one well it would of saved a lot of heartache but then maybe we never would of met, not that it’s good that anyone died, as for killing people at all, I can tell you have changed, you told me you didn’t want to do it anymore, I feel as if the 12 took advantage of you, I don’t excuse what you did, it’s something you, we are going to have to learn how to live with. Just because you are a murderer it doesn’t mean you are undeserving of my love. That’s how I feel. Yes it’s crazy but love is crazy. You’ve taught me that life isn’t black and white. Every person does good and bad things.” Eve summerises as she is talking her hand reaches up and goes to the place over Villanelle’s top where she stabbed her. Villanelle gets up off Eve feeling unable to process what Eve has just said. She starts pacing the room but the words are ringing through her head, tears are filling her eyes, she tells herself, ‘don’t cry, you are better than that, you are tough.’

Eve gets up from the sofa and watches Villanelle, needing to help her she goes behind her and wraps her arms around her, “It’s okay Villanelle, it’s all okay, I love you, I do, I really do.” 

These words from Eve send Villanelle falling to her knees and tears flowing from her eyes, sobbing silently. Then panic floods Villanelle’s brain, she feels like she’s suffocating. She can’t cope with this, it’s too much, she’s too much, she’s killed people, she’s a monster of chaos, isn’t it better to feel numb than what she is feeling right now. Villanelle gets back on her feet, she turns around to look at Eve. She becomes focused, her eyes determined full of pain and hate for herself. She looks away from Eve and looks towards the door, she feels conflicted. 

“I know you want to run away now from all of this, but you can’t run from this or your feelings, you know that Villanelle, I will help you through this I promise,” 

“You can’t”

“Remember you’ve said that to me before and I did, I proved you wrong."

Villanelle can't take it, she looks at the kitchen and darts towards it. Eve follows her not knowing how to help,"it’s okay baby I promise you," Eve tries to say reassuringly. Villanelle feels like her heart and head are pounding, she feels lightheaded, she needs control back, she grabs a knife, she walks towards Eve, Eve doesn't move, she stands still, frozen, not knowing whether to scream. Villanelle puts the knife into Eve's shaking hand, her eyes full of determination. 

"Stab me."

"No," Eve says firmly while trembling. 

"Stab me," Villanelle repeats a little louder. Eve shakes her head. Villanelle walks towards her backing Eve against the wall, putting her arms over her and onto the wall. The knife poking into her. 

"STAB ME. STAB ME. STAB ME." Villanelle screams out of desperation.

'Think Eve, think,' Eve tells herself searching her brain for the answer. She's not scared of Villanelle but scared for her.Anything reassuring she can say can push Villanelle further, she’s isn’t used to people saying nice things to her, she can’t cope with it as proven in her current state. She can’t over power a trained assassin and she’s not going to stab the woman that she loves, again. Eve tries the only thing she can think of.

“OKSANA,” she says firmly with a raised voice. The name makes Villanelle back away, confused like she’s been in a trance. The old Villanelle would have started laughing but instead colour drains from Villanelle’s face, realising that she has crossed the line, she turns around as a sickness drains over her and throws up in the sink. Eve doesn’t know whether she should leave the room or stay. Eve’s head reminds her this is who she loves, the good and the bad, she can’t expect a change to happen over night. She puts the knife back in the knife block and walks over to Villanelle. Villanelle refuses to look away from the sink, she feels Eve’s hand grabbing hers, it makes Villanelle flinch but she feels it pulling her with no energy to fight she follows. Eve leads her to bed and gestures her head towards it, not saying anything. Villanelle lies down being obedient but turns over to face away from Eve. Eve walks back into the kitchen and fills up two glasses of water, she places one next to Villanelle and then walks round to the other side of the bed, sitting on the edge facing the other wall she takes a drink of the water, needing a minute to collect herself. Villanelle sits up and takes a sip of water and then lies back down facing towards the kitchen, wanting the world to just drown her up. She feels Eve lie down on the bed beside her, then she feels Eve’s arm around her, Eve pressed up in her back, as she feels being held more tears fall down her cheeks.

“Do you want me to leave?” Villanelle asks her voice unconfident, shaky and quiet.

“No, I want you to sleep, we will talk about it in the morning,” Eve replies, then she places a soft kiss on Villanelle’s back. Villanelle knows she doesn’t deserve this kindness right now, she would walk away, run out but she can’t hurt Eve like that. She at least will stay the night and talk about it in the morning. This gives her some small comfort. Both emotionally exhausted slip off into an uneasy sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

Eve wakes up slowly, enjoying the warmth of Villanelle's arms around her, she runs her fingers over Villanelle’s hand that’s placed around her stomach. She doesn’t want to face the day, she wants to stay immobilised like this forever. She feels Villanelle’s breath on her neck then she feels little kisses being placed. Eve lets out a sigh and turns over in the bed to face Villanelle.

“Sex won’t fix this, you can’t explode like that at me and then think you can just fuck me and I’ll get over it, we won’t work like that, you really want our first time together to be right now after,” Eve motions her hand waving it in between their bodies, giving Villanelle a questioning scowling look. 

Villanelle lets out a sigh, knowing that what Eve says is right, the fact that Eve knows her so well gives her the desire to change, to want to be a better person, she has to do this or else she'll lose the one thing she has ever cared about more than herself, she knows Eve just wants pure honesty, “You are right, it’s just that I don’t know how to apologise like I mean it, I haven’t wanted to mean it before,” Villanelle says looking sheepish.

“Something to work on then, I’m going to shower,” Eve declares, before she moves off the bed though she can’t resist putting her hand up to Villanelle’s cheek and stroking it. As she walks away she shouts jokingly, “And no you can’t join me….this time.”

Villanelle smiles at the comment and Eve’s actions, remorse is a new feeling to Villanelle,if only she had her phone to google how to apologise that may have helped. People buy flowers when they are sorry but they are in the middle of nowhere right now. Villanelle smiles as she discovers she should do something nice for Eve.

Eve comes out of the bedroom and can smell breakfast being cooked. She stands there for a moment watching Villanelle cooking some eggs. This is all she’s ever wanted, to wake up with her, to be with her, in her presence, she sighs leaning against the door frame. She wants this but they can’t destroy each other doing it. Villanelle feels the tension in the room as Eve walks towards her.

“Sit down, I made breakfast.”

“Well that’s a start to apologising,” says Eve affirming to both of them they are on the right track, “Hope the knives are in the normal place.”

Villanelle feels that punch to the gut, but she deserves it, she doesn’t snap back, she doesn’t desire to hit back with a funny comment. Eve sits at the table and notices a card on the table. On the front is a love heart, she opens it up and it reads:  
Dear Eve,  
I’m sorry  
Love V.  
Simple, Eve thinks, that’s good, no over the topness to it, but she does ponder if it’s genuine, is Villanelle trying to give an insincere apology, is she trying to control and manipulate the situation? 

Villanelle places the plates on the table, then sits down next to Eve, Eve grabs Villanelle’s hand, “Thank you for the card.”

Villanelle shifts in her chair, feeling her cheeks go slightly red, Eve notices the embarrassment and now knows it was genuine not a malipination. They eat in a somewhat comfortable silence, Villanelle is shuffling the food around her plate mainly, she loves food normally but she has no appetite, just a sickness. Eve finishes her breakfast and notices Villanelle staring into her plate, she takes her hand and places it on Villanelle’s upper leg which Villanelle covers with her own hand as she lets out a breath. She knows she has to start this talk, show that she is making an effort to be a better person.

“I feel...a weight in my chest, like it’s hard to breathe, I sometimes find it hard to breathe around you but this weight is dark whereas with you it’s light and feels good. This one doesn’t feel so good.”

“That’s guilt,” Eve replies using her free hand to point at Villanelle’s chest.

“It’s like I’m discovering new feelings, I don’t know if they were always there, it’s really hard to process and understand them,” Villanelle lets out a sigh feeling small and confused, “I feel weak.”

Eve feels her eyes fill with tears, to see Villanelle speak like this, feel like this, it’s like opening a new door. But she’s still not sure if she’s being played, is Villanelle malipitating her right now? She doesn’t want Villanelle to stop opening up. 

“We’re in for a rough ride if you can’t manage your feelings.”

“All my life people have told me I can’t have normal because I’m not normal, I can’t have relationships, when you get told that, you become cold, closed off to the world. I don’t feel like I deserve love or a normal life. It was easier to pretend I didn’t want it. But then I met you, it changed me, you saw through my mask I gave to the world. It’s not easy being this new me. It’s really really hard,” Villanelle sinks back into her seat, tears fill her eyes, she stands up and heads to the door, “I know, I understand,” 

“What do you mean? Where are you going?” Eve asks with a little panic in her voice.

“You know what I’m doing, this is too much for you, I’m too much for you, I don’t want to cause you pain.”

“Last night you threatened the person I love the most; you. I’m not asking you to leave, I can understand how this is all new to you, I can see you are making an effort, if you know it was wrong and are actually sorry then we don’t have a problem here. I’m here to support you. I don’t have all the answers. But together we can progress, we will work it all out together. However if you think it’s too hard or you don’t want it I will understand. You won’t be alone in this.”

“I was wrong Eve, I am sorry,” Villanelle says as she walks towards Eve and bends down towards her and hugs her. She feels a bit awkward about the whole thing, the apology, the opening up, even the hug as she isn’t much a hug person, she feels exposed but she doesn’t want to run but she does need some distance right now.

“Do you want a shower?” Eve asks somehow picks up on what Villanelle needs right now.

“You should never tell a person who smells that they smell Eve it upsets them,” she jokes trying to bring some humour back into the room, Eve laughs at the response, Villanelle loves her laugh, she reaches out and squeezes Eve’s shoulders then turn and heads to the bathroom calling out on her way, “If I happen to think about you in the shower please excuse the moaning.”

“You’re always thinking about me,” Eve shoots back. Villanelle turns around as she reaches the doorframe and winks at Eve.

Eve all of sudden feels the blood rush in her body. She feels instantly wet. How does Villanelle do it to her? Make her feel so turned on. Eve is also filled with hope, it’s been a rocky start but it feels like progress is being made. Eve runs her fingers over the card Villanelle made and smiles a content grin.

Villanelle comes out of the bathroom feeling refreshed and with a towel wrapped round her. She sees Eve on the bed, looking relaxed and content. Eve looks at Villanelle standing there in towel, Eve can’t believe Villanelle’s beauty, it’s enchanting, she enjoys watching Villanelle. She loves her long legs, they would feel so good over her, everything about her is just perfect to Eve, well what she has seen so far. Villanelle feels Eve’s eyes on her as she rummages through her suitcase. She smiles to herself as she’s come up with a plan.

“What do you think I should wear?” Villanelle asks as she holds up a t-shirt in her hands.

“You’re asking me for fashion advice?” Eve laughs, “You are the one with the style babe.” 

“Indulge me Eve?” Villanelle asks with a pleading look.

Eve finds Villanelle’s facial expressions intoxicating, her eyes are beautiful, Eve could drown in them, Eve’s eyes wander downwards onto Villanelle’s chest, she doesn’t know why but she wants her mouth and fingers over it all exploring, Eve thinks about what Villanelle would look good in, truth is she makes anything look good, she makes the towel look good, the only thing better than a towel would be… Eve chuckles at her own thought and the words escape her mouth “You make anything look good, even nothing.”

Villanelle half smiles trying to keep herself under control and drops the t-shirt from her hand. She looks Eve in the eyes and drops her towel. Eve feels like the world has stopped, like she’s stopped breathing, in front of her is the most beautiful sight she has ever seen.

“You have a nice body,” Eve says in memory of what Villanelle told her in the past.

‘Oh game on,’ Villanelle thinks in response to Eve bringing up that memory of the night. Villanelle walks over to the bed, Eve’s eyes constantly roaming over her body, not knowing where to look but taking it all in. Eve licks her lips subconsciously as she thinks about her mouth all over Villanelle. Villanelle gets on the bed and kneels next to Eve but keeps out of reach.

“Do you want this Eve?” Villanelle motions to her body, Eve can do nothing but nod. Villanelle takes the move and gets on Eve’s fully clothed body. Eve closes her eyes at the feeling and knowledge that a naked Villanelle is on top right now. She feels Villanelle grind on top of her into her hips connecting their bodies, it makes her eyes wide open.

“Did you have fun in the shower? Did you touch yourself Villanelle? Or could you not because you wanted me to do it?” Eve asks boldly, wanting to play Villanelle at her own game. 

“Oh I have had a lot of fun in the past, touching myself while thinking of you and as I cum I saying your name Eve,” Villanelle says as her hands roam her body, her hands go to her breasts, she feels them in her hands and flings her head back as her fingers goes over her nipples, lightly brushing over them. Eve doesn’t know if she wants to watch or touch, she’s so torn, Villanelle can tell the effect she’s having over Eve, she wants Eve to never have wanted her more. She’s already turned on by just having Eve’s eyes on her, her hand goes southwards at a slow pace, Eve’s eyes following the hand unable to take her eyes off it, she slips it inside her wet folds and lets out a moan. 

“Do you like to watch me Eve? How does it make you feel?”

“Fuck yes, I love watching you, it makes me feel powerful and weak at the same time, it makes me wet.” this answer from Eve fills Villanelle with desire, her body shakes slightly as her fingers are going through her own wetness, she feels close already, how can Eve get her this close so quickly? 

“How wet?”

“Soaked,” replies Eve, thrusting her hips up into Villanelle to emphasise the point, which makes Villanelle hiss and lose her breath for a minute, if she rubs her clit any longer she’s going to explode so she moves fingers down to her entrance.

“What do you do about it?”

Eve trails her hand down to her mound, brushing her fingers over herself,

“You touched yourself over your clothes Eve? Pfft such a prude.”

Eve takes the challenge and moves her hand inside of her trousers instead as she does Villanelle puts her own fingers inside of her, she’s never had such an intense feeling from touching herself, it makes her body shake and causes her to lose her own balance and she falls on top of Eve. Her hand trapped in between her and Eve, knowing a few more rubs on her clit would make her cum. Eve has never felt like this before, she admires Villanelle's sexy confidence, she feels a burning desire in her. She has to kiss her right now. Her lips meet Villanelle and the kiss is full of passion, full of need and want. Villanelle's lips are so soft against Eve's. Eve runs her tongue against Villanelle's lips, wanting to further her exploration. Villanelle obliges to her demand. With her free hand she brings it up into Eve's hair, running her fingers through it. 

Villanelle has had sex plenty of times of before. But she's never felt like this. It's never been like this. She takes her fingers out and moves them to her clit. She needs to orgasm right now, while Eve's mouth is on hers. Eve breaks away from the kiss reluctantly. 

“Don’t cum please,” Eve pleads, Villanelle would normally not care for such a demand, if anyone else said that to her she’d cum just to spite them, but she wants to not cum for Eve because she asked. 

Villanelle backs her hand away, "do you want to taste me Eve?" 

Eve sees Villanelle's fingers right in front of her mouth. She doesn't hesitate. She takes them into her mouth sucking off all the wetness from where Villanelle touched herself. The warmth of Eve's mouth on her finger makes her moan, making her even wetter, though she didn't know how that was possible. 

"That's what you do to me Eve, what you always have done." 

Eve still feels unsure about everything. She knows she wants Villanelle, like she’s never wanted anyone before but she’s nervous.

“Villanelle, what did you mean when you said that you are not there when you sleep with people? Remember after I saw those girls come out of your room in London when we were working on the case,” Eve remembers the pang of jealousy she felt, she still feels about Villanelle being with other people. She doesn’t want to be just another person in Villanelle’s bed.

“I like to do things I’m good at. I’m good in bed but when I’m with someone in bed mentally I’m not there, they don’t excite my brain. It’s just another thing I do to try and make myself feel something. I always feel unsatisfied after. But when I touch myself and think of you, I feel things so much more.”

“But how do you know when we sleep together I won’t be just like any other body in your bed Villanelle?” Eve says a little bit more angrily than it should have been.

“Because it’s not just about sex with us, is it? It’s more than that. It’s more than sex. I don’t want to just have sex with you and then leave. I want to make love to you over and over.”

Eve takes a minute to ponder this. Can she go further with Villanelle? Is she willing to be vulnerable?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

“We don’t have to do anything you know, I’m happy to wait for you. I’m not going to push you into something you aren’t ready for Eve. I’m here and I’m sticking around. It’s been a hellish couple of days and this is all new to us. We have a few more days of safety here so let's just enjoy being together,” Villanelle says trying to put Eve at ease as she can tell she’s nervous. Villanelle takes her naked body off Eve’s and lies at the side of her and runs her hand across her cheek and lays a soft kiss on her lips.

“Tell me something I don’t know about you, tell me something no one else knows V,” Eve asks, wanting to connect deeper and deeper with her lover.

“Well you did say you wanted to know everything, I will tell you something no one else knows about me but you next,” Villanelle replies, and thinks of a very clever answer, “No one has asked me that before, there’s something.”

The reply makes Eve laugh, the smartness in Villanelle’s answer is a defence mechanism but funny all the same. 

“Don’t be a dick about it,” Eve says as she rolls her eyes.

Villanelle relaxes, and a thoughtful look comes across her face, like she’s trying to search her brain for the perfect response, “I guess, well I had a dog when I was really young, he didn’t like me very much but he liked my mum but I wanted him to like me, that’s my secret I wanted a dog to like me” 

“So you can remember some of your early childhood?”

“A few memories, yes,” Villanelle says honestly but doesn’t really want to talk about it now and go into depth, not that she wants to hide anything from Eve, she will tell her all about what happened, she will, just not yet, “Your turn.”

“I have a tattoo,” Eve grins.

“No you don’t,” Villanelle laughs. Eve nods back in response, “Where? Why? When?”

“It’s pretty new, it’s inspired by Konstantin…”

“What? You got a tattoo for Konstantin? You aren’t the type of girl to have a tattoo.”

“No,” Eve laughs, wondering if Villanelle can handle this, the emotions of it all, “It’s about you.”

“Tell me about it, I might find it eventually anyway when I undress your beautiful body,” Villanelle says hopefully but not pushy.

“Do you know the children's book the hungry caterpillar?” she asks Villanelle who nods in response.

“Well Konstantin said that you were like the hungry caterpillar, eating everything in sight.”

“I do like food,” Villanelle quirks, using her humour as a deflection because she can’t quite tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

“Well the ending is that the caterpillar turns into a beautiful butterfly, Konstantin and everyone doesn't get that about you. No one gives you that chance. So I got a butterfly tattoo because that’s you, my beautiful butterfly.” 

Villanelle is so touched by what Eve has said that tears start rolling down her cheeks, she leans over and places a kiss on Eve’s cheek, “I’m kind of speechless. My heart feels like all warm. No one has ever said something so beautiful to me before.”

Villanelle struggles to find the words to express how she feels because the truth of the matter is that no one has made her feel like this. She looks Eve in the eyes, Eve sees a look in her eyes she has never noticed before, “Thank you Eve, thank you. I love you.”

Eve wipes the tears from Villanelle’s cheeks and then she grabs Villanelle’s hands and puts them over Villanelle’s head as she climbs on to her body.

“Eve I really enjoy you being on top of me but after my little show earlier I can’t be turned on anymore else I’m going to explode.”

Eve laughs, “I’ve got this.”

Eve sits up so she's got her legs either side of Villanelle. Villanelle is lying there naked with her arms above her head. Such a beautiful sight thinks Eve. Eve grabs the bottom of her top and lifts it off. Villanelle looks at Eve’s magnificent body. She has never wanted to touch someone so much. All those others she’s had in her bed are nothing compared to her desire for Eve. Her eyes want to take in every little detail.

“We need to talk about that,” Villanelle says with her voice full of sadness and regret as she points to the mark she left on Eve when she shot her.

“We do but not right now, that can wait,” Eve in no rush to go over bad memories when there’s something she wants more. Villanelle’s eyes travel down Eve’s body and rest on a tattoo of a butterfly, right in the place Eve stabbed Villanelle on her body. 

“Life can be full of regrets, we regret the chances we don’t take but now I’m taking my chance,” Eve says as she lies down on Villanelle and then kisses her softly but not for too long as she can’t help her longing for her mouth to be all over Villanelle. They next go to her neck kissing and nipping coaxing little moans out of Villanelle, making Villanelle wanting some pressure down there raises her hips up and down onto Eve’s. One of Villanelle’s hands is in Eve’s hair the other stroking up and down her back. Eve would have liked Villanelle to keep her hands above her but this being their first time she needs encouragement. Eve’s hands are roaming all over Villanelle as she attacks her neck. She brings them to Villanelle’s breasts and starts playing with them, her gentle fingers going over her nipples.

“Feels so good,” Villanelle moans, Eve smiles into her neck, Villanelle moaning is now Eve’s favourite sound and she’s going to keep on doing whatever to keep those sounds coming out of her mouth. Her mouth goes back onto Villanelle’s mouth, this time it’s more passionate, Eve being slightly more forceful with her tongue, making Villanelle’s breathing get rapid. Villanelle feels like her head is spinning, she feels like she’s never been touched before, all the feelings are taking over her senses. Eve’s mouth then goes down to her breasts leaving a trail of kisses on the way down. She pauses for a moment, taking in the view. Villanelle enjoys the small break trying to regain some composure but as soon as she tries to keep her cool Eve’s mouth is on one of her nipples sucking at it and playing with in between her teeth.

“Fuck Eve,” moans Villanelle somewhat breathlessly.

The other hand goes and plays with the other nipple and squeezes it making Villanelle jump with pleasure and enjoying the small feel of pain, Villanelle asks, “more please baby.”

Eve accepts this request and squeezes one nipple as she bites the other, it nearly sends Villanelle over the edge, she feels like she’s flying.

“Please I want to cum for you,” Villanelle practically begs with a whiny tone in a voice which makes Eve chuckle. 

Eve breaks away rather reluctantly from Villanelle’s breasts and looks into her eyes seeing them clouded over with desire, “You are telling me that you Villanelle can’t take anymore?”

“Not when I have the woman I love making my body feel crazy things, she’s all I want and need.”

Eve’s mouth goes up to meet Villanelle’s. She will never tire of kissing her. Villanelle finds it hard to concentrate on the kiss as Eve’s hand finally reaches the place she wants it after a slow trail down her body. Eve’s hand stops outside her lips getting used to the warmth and wetness for a second, her fingers stroking up and down the outer lips. Eve moans hard and at the point of desperation breaks kissing Eve and places her forehead on Eve’s, “Please please please.”

Eve has never seen Villanelle in such a mess, she’d never thought she’d hear Villanelle beg for anything! Eve slowly dips her fingers into Villanelle’s pussy. Fingers finding her clit and rubbing circles around on top of it.

Villanelle bites down on her lips to stop herself from screaming, “let go Villanelle, I’ve got you. Cum for me baby.”

The fingers go to Villanelle’s entrance and plunge deep inside her as her thumb rubs her clit. Villanelle’s body starts shaking. Eve’s head goes back onto Villanelle’s neck kissing softly as she finger fucks Villanelle, her thumb rubbing softly over her clit. Villanelle doesn’t have any control over the sensations all her body is feeling. Eve bites down on Villanelle’s neck sending her over the edge, she cums screaming Eve’s name and moaning deep, her fingers have dug into Eve’s back, her whole body shaking. They lie there still for a minute both breathing hard. Eve makes her way back Villanelle’s lips, kissing her neck and jaw and plants a lovingly soft kiss there as she withdraws her hand.

“That was amazing,” Villanelle pants while having trouble coming back to earth.

Eve brings her fingers to her mouth, wanting to taste again what Villanelle had let her taste earlier. The taste stirs a feeling in her belly and she’s making her way down Villanelle’s body, not being able to resist tasting Villanelle. Her mouth sucking all over Villanelle’s pussy and licking up Villanelle’s wetness.

“Baby you are torturing me,” Villanelle moans

“You taste so amazing. You don’t want to cum again?” Eve questions.

“Eat away the pleasure is all mine,” Villanelle grins as her hands push Eve’s head back into her pussy where they stay playing with Eve’s hair. The softness of Eve’s mouth on her pussy sends her over the edge again. Cuming again while she lets out the most sexual groan Eve has ever heard,

“Was that okay?” Eve asks slightly embarrassed. Villanelle is still having trouble coming back to earth.

“No it wasn’t okay, it was the most earth shattering orgasm I have had in my life. Fuck Eve. I imagined it and I always loved cuming to thinking about you but this was out of this world. I’ve never felt it so deeply,” Villanelle plants soft kisses on Eve’s lips trying to convey how she feels but struggling.

“You’ve slept with others Villanelle, this was my first time with a woman. It can’t have been anything special,” Eve says, still feeling unconfident.

Villanelle sighs out of frustration, “The best way that I can explain it is when I was with others I was always thinking about other things but with you I just thought about you and what you were currently doing to my body. It’s different, my mind so empty of other stuff but just you all in it.”

“What about with Anna? She told me she didn’t sleep with you but I don’t believe that.”

Villanelle shifts uncomfortably on the bed, trying to move away from Eve.

“You know she took advantage of you right?” Eve says trying to keep Villanelle calm.

“Why are you ruining the moment Eve? You just made love to me and now you want to go over that shit? I wanted to repay the favour but suddenly I’m not in the mood,” Villanelle says as she gets off the bed, more in an annoyed tone than angry.

“Look I’m sorry, it’s the wrong time to bring it up. But this is going to keep on happening if we don’t deal with everything in our past,” Eve says, trying to pull Villanelle back into bed.

“Why do you want to bring all this stuff up?” Villanelle asks while scowling as she stands at the side of the bed, “To hurt me?”

“No Villanelle, the last thing I want to do is hurt you.” Eve says reassuringly. 

Villanelle grabs an oversized top and pulls it over her not wanting to be so naked at this moment in time. She looks at Eve and sighs while she shakes her head.

“We’ve hurt each other enough don’t you think?” Eve asks.

Villanelle nods in agreement. 

“Before we sort the future we have to put the past to bed,” Eve says, trying to put Villanelle at some ease.

“Someone told me keeping secrets and feelings bottled up inside of me will keep me from j being truly monstrous. With all these things we are telling each other will it change me and make me go back? I don’t want to be old Villanelle again. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore Eve.”

“We make choices Villanelle, you can choose to be bad or good. No one has given you that chance before. I think you were monstrous because you used it to push those feelings down and away. You feel new feelings because you are choosing to acknowledge them Villanelle.”

“It’s like my heart was frozen and you warmed it up.”

“Problem is Villanelle everyone thinks they know you, they’ve labeled you, controlled you. People even told me that you didn’t have an ability to form intimate relationships, it’s all bullshit, I knew you were different from the start. I see it in your eyes. I see past everything Villanelle and yes it’s scary. I’m scared but I’m also excited. Since I met you, you are all that’s been in my mind.”

“It’s all so crazy isn’t it baby? But I’m glad you came in my life and changed me.”

“I didn’t change you, you decided to change. You’d already changed when you told me to walk away. A selfless act. In the same way that you didn’t ruin my life baby, I made my choices. I choose to keep chasing you, keep wanting you.”

“I don’t know if I can let you in. I’m scared Eve.”

“We can’t ignore what we both have done to each other,” Eve says with a ping of guilt in her chest, “I already love you. Nothing about that will change.”

“It will. You will hate me,”

“No, it will make us stronger,” says Eve firmly.

“Okay, here’s what I’m going to offer us. A one time conversation, we say what we need to and the other person promises not to get upset or judge. We just listen to each other. Whatever you tell me Villanelle stays in this one time conversation. We need to put these things in the past where they belong,” Eve lays it all out on the table for Villanelle.

“Why can’t we just forget about it all?” Villanelle asks almost pleading.

“Because that’s burying it. It will eat away at us. If you want us to have a chance we have to put these things to bed. Do you really think we can go on never talking about me stabbing you or you shooting me? Or me wondering if it’s me you love or Anna?”

“This is completely different to Anna,” Villanelle says frustrated at Eve.

“It will take all the strength you have, I’m not going to force you, it’s got to be your choice to open up to me. I just want you to let me in. I promise you it won’t change how I feel about you, I’ve already been angry about these things.”

“Are you still angry at me for them?” Villanelle asks in a small voice. 

“In a way yes but I want to forgive you for them,” Eve says honestly.

Villanelle recognises she has a choice now. She can take this step forward with Eve at her side leaving her exposed and vulnerable or she can feel safe and not let Eve into the darkest places in her mind. She closes her eyes in frustration screwing up her face trying to think of a way through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait until the next chapter ;)

**Author's Note:**

> First thing I've written in a long time. Hope you enjoyed the first part


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